you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica