I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture