the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30