I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
