so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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