lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
