I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
vagina is talking i cant
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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