I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
