these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
