anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize