okay pat passed out under dana's car
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
