i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
