That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
