You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
