he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
