i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
