put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
