You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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