He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
