we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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