puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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