I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
