im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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