1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
