I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
