I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
