the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
