you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
