For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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