He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
