youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
