My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
