I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
