So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
