On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
