Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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