For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I need moral support for this bender
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
