His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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