dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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