If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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