I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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