i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
someone owes me an orgasm
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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