Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
be right there i have to get my cape
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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