just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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