I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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