Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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