Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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