I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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