i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
