Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
