I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
