Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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