there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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