You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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