Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
