I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
