1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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