I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
