nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
