great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
