i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
