As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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