I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just had sex bonerless
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
