I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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