He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
