I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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