Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
