i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
