Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
