and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
