I think my fart just growled at me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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