Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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