Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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