My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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