you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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