Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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