I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
