My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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