How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
