I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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